A Christian marriage is guided by a different set of expectations and principles than that of the world. In face, a marriage in which the husband and wife play out their respective roles obediently are to be a picture of the relationship that is to exist between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:21-33).
One of many confusions in marriage is the "
definition of love." Love is not just a sentimental feeling, nor is it a simply affection. It is also an act of the will - a determination to give love in a form that others can accept.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." (nkjv)
Allow me to share with you the Ten Commandments of Marriage: FIVE for the ladies and FIVE for the men. Let's begin with the ladies, of course!
Five Commandments For The Wives1. Give up on your quest for a PERFECT MARRIAGE.Yup! That's right! There's no such thing as a "perfect marriage." Only thing that's perfect is if Christ is in the marriage. Remember, marriage is the most difficult and complex of all human relationships! Yes, I'm serious that it is the "most complex." Marriage requires patience, skill, tact, emotional and spiritual growth. You can grow a good marriage if you are willing to "work" at it.
2. Give up on all hope of CHANGING YOUR HUSBAND through criticism or attack.The simple truth is "you cannot make your husband more thoughtful by complaining!" If you have the potential of attacking your husband, two results usually happens: he will either retreat or he will become hostile. We can change no one other than ourselves by direct action. Give up your demands! Be what you want him to be.
3. Give PRAISE and AFFECTION (instead of seeking it)."
When you talk, don't say anything bad. But say the good things that people need - whatever will help them grow stronger. Then what you say will be a blessing to those who hear you." Ephesians 4:29 Do I hear an Amen? Wow! Apostle Paul, inspired by God, wrote to the Christians in Ephesus with encouraging words. One thing I see out of this passage: BE YOUR HUSBAND'S BIGGEST FAN! Your husband has deep needs to be admired. He wants to know:
If you value him.
If you respect what he does.
If you are proud of him.
4. Do things your husband likes to do.You may not like golf but you'll be surprised how much "conversation time" you will have with him while riding the cart. This is just an example that the more you're doing what your husband like to do, the more friendship is being developed, the more intimacy that comes from having fun together. "
Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble." Ecclesiastes 4:9,11 (nlt)
5. Provide a PEACEFUL PLACE."
It is better to have nothing but a dry piece of bread to eat in peace than a whole house full of food with everyone arguing." Proverbs 17:1. Would you say that your home is stress-reducing or stress-producing? I know that it is difficult to create a peaceful, loving environment. I'm, in no way, suggesting that it's the wife's sole responsibility to turn her house into a peaceful home. It is a team effort: the husband and the wife!
Finally, the
Five Commandments for Husbands."
In the same way, you husbands should love with your wives in an understanding way, since they are weaker than you. You should show them respect, because God gives them the same blessing he gives you - the grace of true life. Do this so that nothing will stop your prayers from being heard." 1 Peter 3:7
Men, listen carefully as this may be the most important message you will hear all year.
1. Assign TOP PRIORITY to your marriage relationship."
Husbands, love your wives the same as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it." Ephesians 5:25 Don't take your marriage or your soul-mate for granted. You may even need to help around the house. Some men actually seem to believe that God created Adam and noticed all the clothes lying around all over the garden and created a woman to pick them up. Ahh! Perhaps, in your dreams!!
Guys, we need to put our relationship with our spouse back at the top of the list. Where do you think that your wife would say that she is on your priority list? Does she have to compete with your work? With your hobbies? Think about it.
2. Dare to TALK (Give praise) and REASSURANCE.I love the book of Proverbs. One verse says, "
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones." (nkjv) Have you ever witnessed two guys trying to express affection for one another? Can you say, "Hey ugly, how's it going?" to your spouse? Guys, you need to work at verbalizing your feelings for your wife, (i.e. tell her, in a proper way, how you feel.)
3. Listen without feeling the need to solve the problem.To be honest with you, I struggle in this area. My wife and I had a good talk about our method of "communication". Even though we're communicating well, just that there were some "assumptions" hanging during our communication. I think #3 is funny because this does cause more problems than you realize!
James 1:9 says, ".
..take note of this, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak..." A common concern from women is that their husbands don't listen to them and understand them. I know you men probably say, "But I do listen to her!" What is happening typically is that the woman wants to talk about a problem and share how she is feeling about it, the man wants to get out the problem and solve it. For example, the conversation may go like this:
The woman says, "I had a terrible day at work today!"
The man says, "Well, why don't you just quit!"
The woman says, "I didn't say I wanted to quit. I was just trying to tell you I had a hard day!"
The man says, "If you didn't want my opinion, why did you ask for it."
The woman says, "Just forget I said anything."
The man says, "Then I will!"
Sounds familiar!? Can you, husbands, relate to this? Then for next week, try to listen to your wife, let her know you understand how she feels and don't try to fix the situation unless she literally ask you to.
4. Avoid criticismProverbs 13:3, "
People who are careful about what they say will save their lives, but those who speak without thinking will be destroyed." Wow! That's very true to all of us! A man who constantly criticizes and put down his wife can produce numerous results in his wife almost all of them negative. A regular barrage of criticism is almost always destructive.
Criticism in any area is inevitable in almost any relationship, but the less there is, the more satisfactory the marriage!
5. Remember the importance of LITTLE THINGS.Men are usually less sentimental than women and attach less significance to such things as birthdays, anniversaries and "special days", and have tendency to overlook the little gestures that mean so much to women. Love is not just a feeling; it involves positive action which can mean a lot to a woman.
Seriously, a husband that forgets his wedding anniversary or his wife's birthday has committed almost
unforgivable sin.
Marriage, like life, is a matter of solving the little things, the big things generally take care of themselves. Success in marriage does not depend on finding the right person so much as it does on being the right person. Focus on the person you can change, and that is yourself!!
It is not marriages that fail, it is people that fail, all that marriage does is reveal that failure.
If the church is to have the impact on the world and our society that God intends for us to have, there must be a recommitment of Christian homes and marriages to be what God want them to be. Perhaps, you need to begin by making or renewing your commitment to Christ as the Lord of your life. If you have not buried your life in the Lord in baptism, I suggest that you seriously consider that step as well.
In my final analysis, the only person who can meet your DEEPEST NEED is JESUS!! If you're looking for a man or woman to do that, you're looking in the wrong place. God is the only one who can do that, why not turn to Him today!?
